Into the Fire

THURSDAY

At 10:30 the sun was out and the steam was rising from the wet grass around the barn area. Once again the track was muddy and hard in spite of all the efforts made to keep it in decent shape. It couldn’t be helped. It remained a wet spring.
“Hey, Hutch. This little filly can be a snot, so watch her. She has a mind of her own,” Michael explained.
“Gotcha,” he acknowledged. He patted her neck before he asked for her foot.
“Hope the rain isn’t bothering you too much,” Michael said.
“You know, since we’re not racin’ yet it doesn’t matter much to me. I know it’s hard on the horses and everybody who has to work in it, but all I have to do is shoe ‘em. Don’t have to be out in the weather so to speak.”
“Yeah, that’s good. Just gets some people depressed, I guess. After awhile it even gets to me, and I was born here.”
“Well, I came here depressed. The weather didn’t have nothin’ to do with it.”
“My wife and I prayed about you and your wife last night. You know, as much as you obviously love her, I can’t see her bein’ able to turn that love off so easily at her end either.”
“I really hurt her, Mike.”
“Yeah, I know. I did the same thing to my wife. But she loved me enough to forgive me, and I bet your wife does, too. She probably did all the divorce stuff because that’s all she could think of to do. Did you have any family or friends or anyone tryin’ to get you two straightened out?”
“Not really. My sister Sally was going to talk to her, but I talked her out of it. At the time she was still too hurt and mad, you know. It would’ve looked like the loving sister could see no wrong in her brother—it wouldn’t have worked. At the time I’m convinced nothing would’ve worked.”
“What about now?”
“I doubt it.”
“I finally got my head on straight and wrote my wife a letter. Apologized for all the things I’d done. Even admitted she was right about them whereas before I’d never admit to any of them. Man, I put her through it. Sounds like you just had one incident—I did, too, but with me that one incident just capped off what I’d been doin’ all along. I’m embarrassed to talk about it all and ashamed. Thank the Lord He got a hold of me.”
“So, you were a Christian when you went back with your wife?”
“No, neither one of us was but almost right after we got back together we went to the former racing secretary’s wedding and got saved immediately afterward. It was incredible. Things have never been the same for either of us.”
Hutch was quiet for a few minutes.
“Look, Hutch. The truth is for us Jesus Christ intervened in our lives at exactly the right time. We needed Him. We had so much baggage to deal with—you know, just livin’ this lifestyle the way we did. Just a lot of garbage. It was destructive—I don’t know any better way to describe it. Now I’m not going to bombard you with Christianity every time you walk in this shedrow, but I can tell you this: He’s real and He cares about you and your wife. That’s all I’ll say. Fair enough?”
“Plenty fair, Mike. Don’t worry about me. I don’t get offended easily. Besides, I’ve never really heard this. To tell you the truth, I had no idea this was what Christianity was all about. You really believe this, don’t ya?”
“Hutch, Jesus Christ changed my life. He’s not a religion. He’s willing to meet you right where you’re at. He’s the solution to life. I’m not kiddin’.”
“Sarah mentioned you had this good colt last year slab a knee. Weren’t you mad about it?”
“Mad? I don’t know that I ever got mad. I was real hurt about it and frustrated, but I was grateful that we’d had the wins. You know, that incredible experience, yeah, I’d even say the all out joy and fun. I’ll be honest with ya, I cried. I took him over to the college for surgery, and a couple of times I cried my eyes out. My wife did the same thing. But you know, he got it when he was bumped—we saw the film and Robert told us he bobbled a bit. He coulda went down, but the Lord protected him. He won the race, for cryin’ out loud.”
The filly Hutch was shoeing pulled her foot away from him. Michael shanked her.
“This is that colt’s half-sister. She’s tough, but she doesn’t have his talent. She’s honest out there, though, and that’s all we can ask.”
As the two men talked, a friendship began to form. They conversed easily and enjoyed each other’s company. The shoeing went quickly and they made an agreement to get two more tomorrow.
“Thanks a lot, Hutch. If these horses don’t run good this year, it won’t be your fault. Man, you do nice work.”
“Thanks, Mike. See ya tomorrow.”
Once again as Hutch was putting his tools away a man drove up and introduced himself.
“Hi, I’m David Renner down in Barn 1. I’ve got 15 head down there, and George Rogers is too busy for me now. Was wondering if you could take over for him. Heard some good things about you.”
“Well, thank you, Mr. Renner. Just call me ‘Hutch’. Sure. I’d be happy to. I’ve got a bunch to do today, but I could start catchin’ some for ya at about 11:30 tomorrow morning. In fact, I probably could catch six or seven tomorrow. That be okay?”
“That’d be just fine, Hutch. And call me Dave. My grooms will be there or my exercise girl Tonya. I’ll let them know what time you’re comin’. They’ll either be somewhere at the barn or in their tack rooms. We’re on the south side of the barn.”
“I’ll find ‘em. Thanks.”
Hutch went to Brady York’s barn and did five for him. Nelson had three for him after that. Bob had gone home. Hutch knew he’d have to meet him one day, but he just didn’t want to deal with any hostility yet. Right now, he felt like he’d had enough to last him a lifetime.
“Hey, what’s goin’ on?” Nelson greeted him as he walked in the shedrow.
“I’m ready to roll.”
“You know Mick’s giving you the problem ones, don’t ya?” Nelson asked as he brought a crooked legged filly out of her stall.
“So does that mean he has confidence in me or that Bob doesn’t want to do ‘em?”
“Both.” Nelson laughed at Hutch’s perception.
“Hey, bring ‘em on. Challenges keep me sharp, man.”
“Does that include the personal ones?”
“Very funny. Who’s this pretty thing with the every which-way legs?”
“This is Cantine Drink, a solid sprinter. There’s an outside chance you might know her mother Cantine Cathy.”
“I’ll be darned. Robert Sanders rode her a few times. I believe I even shod her once for Abe Johnson—he had an emergency at his ranch and had to get out there, and that mare was in that day, so I shod her for him and she won.”
“Small world, huh?”
“Seems to get smaller and smaller all the time.”
Hutch started in on the filly. After a few minutes he asked, “You ever believe in God?”
“Whoa, what brought that on?”
“Well, have ya?” he persisted.
“Yeah, I have.”
“Really?”
“Why so surprised? You think I’m too bad a dude to believe in God?” Nelson asked sarcastically.
“Hey, cut me some slack now. How many people around here believe in God—or if they do will even admit to it? Not only that, if they say they do, you can’t tell any difference in the way they live from anybody else, so what difference does it make to them if they do?”
“You know, I detect just a hair of hostility here. Someone been touchin’ a nerve, Mr. Horseshoer?”
Hutch put the filly’s foot down and turned around. Calmly but firmly he said, “You know, Nelson, my life is turned completely upside down. To tell you the truth, I’m operatin’ on sheer instincts or habit or somethin’. I’m a grown man and I’ve been in my share of scrapes and trouble—never backed down from a fight. I ain’t no wimp, but, damn it, I feel like I’m about to lose my mind. I shouldn’t even be admittin’ this to ya, but it’s all I can do not to cry sometimes. My nerves are shot. It just flat ain’t easy to lose someone you love, and I ain’t handlin’ it very well.”
Hutch turned around immediately and resumed shoeing the filly.
Nelson measured his words, something he was very good at. “Hutch, I know where you’re at because I’ve been there. You probably thought when I said I had a female roommate livin’ in that house with me that I was over my wife. The girl that stayed with me was a friend. Her boyfriend was in the military so the situation felt safe for both of us. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Cassie. I know I sounded flip about it when we first talked, but the truth is it broke my heart when she left me. I thought I was bustin’ my butt to be a good husband, but I quickly saw I was just doin’ my version of what I thought was good. Come to find out, down the line, of course, when all the intense hurt or anger or whatever wears off a little, she was right. Stupid thing is I let her leave. She didn’t really want to, but I let her. She wanted to figure out a way to work it out, but I thought she was too demanding. Turns out: I was.”
“How long ago?”
“It’s been three years now.”
“You talked to her at all?”
“Once a year. I call her on her birthday.”
“She re-marry?”
“No, not yet.”
“Then why the hell don’t you get back together?”
“Because I’m afraid I’ll do it all over again.”
Hutch took that statement in, and it stung him. He continued to work on the filly.
“But getting back to your original question, I don’t have any doubt there’s a God. At one time I knew Him pretty well. And it’s my fault that I’m not close to Him right now. The darn racetrack just sucks it out of you.”
“Sucks what out of you?”
“Everything. Your time, your energy, your money, your devotion to anything or anyone else. Shouldn’t be that way—and if the truth be known—it doesn’t have to be. Problem is I couldn’t get my priorities in order, so now this is all I have. The racetrack.”
“Your wife—does she know God?” Hutch asked after a few moments.
“Yeah, she’s a Christian. Probably why she hasn’t gone out and found a decent husband.”
“What do ya mean?”
“The bible gives adultery as a justifiable means for divorce.”
“So I take it there was none.”
“Nope. She had all I wanted. My unfaithfulness was with the horses. They consumed me and my time. I told ya she said I was married to the horses. She was right. People were impressed with my leg work. You know how now more than ever they’re startin’ to develop medications and surgeries that help these horses a whole lot more than rubbin’ on their legs is ever gonna do, but before we never used to have them, so I wanted to be the best leg man on the track—no matter where I went. By the time I was 25, I’d established my reputation, and I could work for anyone. I spent hours talkin’ with and learning from the oldest grooms on whatever track I went to—I talked to the ones who knew Citation and all the old great champions. It was phenomenal what they did to those poor horses, but when you modernized it with the new medicines and medications and everything, well, you could hold ‘em together when you had to.”
“You sound like me. Wanting to be the best. At all costs, I guess. Doesn’t seem so stinkin’ important right now, I can tell you that.”
“Roger that.”
The two men continued in silence pondering their life situations. Hutch finished with Cantine Drink and pointed out a small change he’d made on the right hind foot. “If this seems to cause her any problems, I’ll fix it right back. It just seems like she wears it funny and once it starts growin’ out she’s gonna hit it the way it was.”
“Bingo, cowboy. She only starts to hit two weeks into her shoein’. We thought she was just randomly hitting herself. You’re good, Hutch, and I mean that.”
“The best, you know?”
They both gave a helpless laugh.
“Pathetic,” Nelson said.
“I know.”
Hutch drove down to Deborah Pattison’s barn and shod one for her before he went to his motel. He grabbed a few snacks and some juice out of a vending machine in the motel lobby and went to his room to take a shower. He ate a bag of chips and drank the juice and went to bed.

(Excerpt from For His Glory; sequel to Hope Of Glory)