Into the Fire

Most young girls dream about their first kiss. Fantasize the romance of it. The older they get dialogues are composed, scenes established, and clothes fashioned to accommodate the mood – all the romance created in the minds of little, young, and bigger girls.

I remember worrying about being "Sweet 16 and Never Been Kissed", and I cut it pretty close. The summer before my 16th birthday in September I "received" my first kiss. It's a memory I treasure as an event I anticipated and welcomed. Sweet, short, twice to be exact, in broad daylight on our front porch. And of course for me it was romantic. That young man eventually proposed to me and we were engaged. But . . . we didn't marry each other. The Air Force, the UW, and the racetrack came between us, but I later realized some things aren't meant to be.

Writing romance to capture the complexity of people who fall for each other takes more than a formula. Romance is no easy experience. Emotional intensity, conflicting feelings, pressures to impress, honesty, trepidation, indulgence – these are just a few of the areas for individuals to contemplate, experience, and overcome when attempting to start or sustain a relationship. The sexual component adds temptations, conflicts, and decisions. Not easy ones either.

Romances are not targeted for men. Romance is a word causing the majority of men to cringe because we women have constructed these impossible scenarios for our knights in shining armor. Few men picture themselves in armor, much less charging to the rescue of damsels in distress. Neither do they want to present a Fabio image from the cover of some supermarket paperback. While many men might not object in private to being a bodice-ripping he-man, it's certainly not the image most of them can comfortably perceive or portray.

And here's where the problems with romance always coagulate. Women design romance with their personal preferences in mind. Men perceive romance as leading to a satisfying passionate encounter. In between those two potentially very different perceptions are innumerable concoctions which usually create some separation instead of a united fusion.

Women love romance for the sake of the feeling it gives them. Men see romance as a means to an end.

Both are acceptable if understood. Generally speaking, women love to be loved. Cherished. Appreciated. Even respected. Men want respect. Admiration. Devotion. Loyalty. And sex.  

As a writer of love stories, I want my romances to touch souls, to cause memories, to resurrect real feelings of what love feels like, becomes, and where it goes. To present real people in real situations and bring all the emotions, physical and spiritual, to the surface, exposing the human flesh and the human heart, both light and dark. That's my basic design. 

Father, you put the romance in my soul. Thank you for that. Thank you for letting me transmit it to the page. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.