Into the Fire

                          From Chapter 15 of my novel Breath of Life 

     Astounding how a mood could turn around so fast. I felt like celebrating. Maybe I'd run over to Tully's. At that moment Carmen appeared in my doorway.

     "I'm headed over to Tully's," she announced, her voice softer than usual. "You headed that way by any chance?"

     "You must've read my mind," I said, standing and pulling on my sport jacket. I joined her in the corridor, and we walked together to Tully's.

     "So, how are things?" I asked, feeling like I could handle anything now. She looked over at me as if she was gauging my interest. Before she could reply, I said, "Carmen, I know I've been aloof. I apologize for that. I wouldn't inquire if I wasn't sincere."

     "I believe you. Maybe I'm surprised that you are," she ventured with no aggression.

     "That's a reasonable statement. Unusual time for me, I guess. Life is changing, and I guess the process demands I focus on someone besides myself for a change," I admitted.

     She almost stopped in her tracks but kept herself moving. "I can't believe you'd be honest enough to say that to me."

     I had to laugh. "Just last week I probably wouldn't have."

     I held the door open for her and paid for her weird coffee and pastry in spite of her resistance. We sat down and enjoyed a couple minutes of silent respite.

     "So, you never told me," I started.

     "Told you what?"

     "How are things?"

     She looked down at her coffee and then out the window. "A little crazy."

     Her voice was quiet and not at all grating. I waited for a further reply.

     "The man I told you about keeps calling me."

     "Can't blame him for that. Is he respectful?"

     "Yeah, but he doesn't take no for an answer."

     "Are you weakening?"

     "No."

     "Good."

     "You mean that?" she asked almost timidly.

     "You bet I do, Carmen. Why should some guy who tosses off one commitment, a legal one, no less, be allowed to take up residency in someone else's life who happens to notice the last person the guy invested in didn't mean enough to him to even wait out the finality of the divorce before launching into another involvement? Doesn't sound like he's in it for the long haul to me. Looks like he found an attractive, vivacious, professional woman he'd like to fool around with. That means no disrespect to you in any way, shape, or form." The jerk. I actually experienced some protective ire.

     She looked at me and slowly gave me a glowing smile – no doubt she was a pretty woman. There was no agenda there either but rather genuine gratitude just like the initial time I spoke with her about personal issues.

     "Thank you."

     Oh, geez, was she going to cry?!

     "So, how are things with you, Michael?" she asked, taking a bite of pastry after a few moments to gather herself. "You mentioned change."

     Ahh, my turn to come clean. What should I say? The truth was too invasive. There must be a way to speak honesty without unveiling the whole scenario.

     "For me, there's considerable change. I'm not quite to the point where I can put it all right out there yet. Uh, I'm, well, I'm in the beginning stages of a relationship that feels like I wish I could've been there my whole life." Well, how was that for the truth?

     Her eyebrows rose at my admission. "Wow. That's not bad for not being able to put it right out there yet."

     I had to laugh a bit. "I guess so. There's more to it. I'm just not able to explain it even to myself."

     "Sounds like what I'm looking for, Michael. What'd you do? Ask for a miracle?" she asked mockingly.

     I looked into her eyes, a light brown color, surrounded by dark full lashes. Lovely, really. But sad, too. Maybe tired, also – possibly of being unfulfilled.

     "I didn't have to ask. The miracle came to me," I said quietly. Dead serious.

     Carmen was perceptive, not unlike Shaylen. Maybe some women just read men well. She pondered my answer.

     "Are you giving me a spiritual response to my sarcastic question?"

     "Yeah, I am."

     The surprise was there, although she tried to conceal it.

     "I wouldn't expect it from me either, Carmen. And I didn't go looking for God. I guess He came looking for me. This is no small change on my part, as your reaction registers. But I'm pursuing it – Him – the best way I can, which isn't very procedurally correct for all I know. Anyway, I can't ignore I need to do this anymore." There. The truth from the mouth of Michael Jamison. Another miracle in motion.

     She was thoughtful before she spoke again. "Can't say I haven't wanted God, a husband, a family, maybe going to church. I guess life has a way of getting out of control. You go down a path you don't really want to and suddenly there's no other one available."

     Regret rang in her words like an old cathedral bell.

     "There's only one thing I can say to that, Carmen. If Michael Jamison can find God, there's no doubt Carmen Roth can. Slam dunk for you." I said it and I meant it.

     She smiled with appreciation again, and this time I know I saw tears in her eyes. "You're not at all like I thought you were."

     "I was, Carmen. This is very, very new. I'm glad you can see a difference in such a short time. Further evidence of a miracle."

Breath of Life is only available in print soft cover, but at this time it's selling for well below cost at the bargain price of $5.91! 

Father, every good and perfect gift comes down from you. Writing is a gift to me – apart from you, I can do nothing. Thank you is never enough for anything and everything you've given me. I'm always desperate for you, Jesus. And grateful beyond my ability to express. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.