From my novel Destination available here or here for your e-readers.
SEVERED
Now he wondered why he thought this would be a good idea as he stepped onto the first of five stairs that led up to the front door. He glanced back over his shoulder to see the lawn needed mowing and for some reason he thought of the Briggs & Stratton mower they used to have and wondered if it was still in the garage. It was amazing to see the house looked the same—a taupe color with a cream-like trim and in need of a paint job—because he didn’t look the same. He didn’t feel the same either. Or think the same. Or even act the same. Because if he did look, or if he felt, or if he thought or acted the same, he certainly wouldn’t be here now. No doubt about that. Because what he was about to face was going to tear his heart out. Again. Only in a different way.
He took each step slowly, deliberately, and when he lifted his right hand to knock on the scuffed door, he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, the pounding of his heart threatening his ability to hear himself think. He waited nervously with both hands in his worn brown leather jacket pockets, looking down and then once again back over his shoulder.
The door finally opened and he took in the briefly curious look on her face that too quickly turned to anger and then stopped just short of hatred.
“What are you doing here?” she snapped, her tone and angry expression momentarily stunning him despite his anticipation of that very response.
“I, uh, I came to tell you that I’m sorry.” He could hardly breathe, and he wished he’d thought to bring a bottle of water and taken a drink before he attempted to speak. He cleared his throat. “For all of it. For everything.”
She looked out the door past him, and it was at that moment he saw her fight back tears in those hard golden brown eyes. He’d never noticed the hardness before. Had it always been there?
“How convenient,” she said harshly. “Jail house religion? Makes you feel good about yourself now, does it?” She was struggling with her temper, and he remembered suddenly how every once in a great while she could go off like a firecracker.
“Well, no. It doesn’t exactly,” he managed to say.
“Good. Because I don’t feel good about you either, and you had no right to come here.” She jerked her hand up and quickly rubbed her forefinger under her eye.
“Jenni, I had to come here and tell you that I regret messing up your life. I’m sorry I upset you by coming here.” He attempted to look her in the eyes, but she wouldn’t allow more than a second of direct eye contact.
“’Messing up’ my life?! You ruined my life, Thomas! You devastated my life. I’m just now trying to pick up the pieces of it, and you have no part of it. None! So if you’re through with your cutesy little feel good speech, I’d appreciate it if you’d get out of my life for good,” she barked.
“Alright, Jenni,” he conceded wearily. “I just want to ask you one favor,” he ventured bravely.
“You’re asking me for a favor?” The incredulity seemed to ricochet around in his ears.
“Yes. Down the road, if and when you’re not angry anymore, I would ask you to find it in your heart to forgive me because I’m truly sorry for what I did to us, to you, and that it turned out the way it did for Will. I never intended to do that. I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
“He’s dead, Thomas!” She almost screamed. “I loved him, and you killed him.” The tears came in a flood now.
Her words burned through him like a precision guided laser beam straight to his heart.
“You loved me once, Jenni,” he said quietly, although at the moment he couldn’t imagine she ever had.
“Go away!” she shouted and stepped back inside, slamming the door in his face.
He turned around and fought back tears of his own. With hands in his jacket pockets he walked down the stairs and out of his ex-wife’s life.
Father, thank you for every inspiration, words, stories, and perseverance. Apart from you, I can do nothing. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.
