Into the Fire

Passionate thoughts about the world of writing and the Power of God

recent posts

about

Passionate: right or wrong. Writes love stories with a passion. Raw Romantic Redemptive

Why I Test the Sexual Writing Waters . . .

 

Who wants to read erotica? Apparently there is a significant audience for this infamous genre with some literary agents professing a “love” for it. Hmmm. Well, I don’t—want to read it or write it. However, I do want to include sexuality in the relationship quandary. How could I not?

 

Can we be real here? Two adults, Christians, fall in love. Some practice complete abstinence as in not even a kiss before they say “I do”. Others not so much but do abstain from “becoming one flesh” until the “I do-s” are said. Whatever. Take your pick. If either member of those couples never ponders their future sexual experience, we’ve got issues. People in love can’t stay away from each other. Heck, people who aren’t in love but are “in relationship” can’t stay away from each other. Sexual attraction dominates much of early relationships.

 

Here’s the deal. Sexual relationships can do a lot of damage to people. Take a look at this biblical passage:

 

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

 

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NIV)

 

“You are not your own; you were bought at a price.” On a cross Jesus endured crucifixion to pay for our sins. He bought us. He didn’t buy us so we could play around with others’ bodies. He owns our bodies. We are not our own. When someone else uses our body for his/her pleasure without God’s permission, it’s sin. They have no right to it. Conversely, when marriage unites a couple, they belong to God and each other.

 

Daily most of us experience sexual bombardment. On magazine covers at the grocery stores. At work observing discreet attractions or secret conversations since sexual harassment rules the day. On television—even watching the news, commercials often show us Victoria’s Secret. How can we deny the temptations to be stimulated by these different opportunities? Lust is prevalent and obvious and celebrated. It is “the norm” not the exception.

 

So. I write to contrast “the norm” to “the exception”. To illustrate the differences in a relationship formed with or without God. To allow the power of being a sexual person its due in the pages of story. To demonstrate sexual passion can be overwhelming. To delve into the challenge of it all and the nature of humankind. The wonder, the angst, the joy, the sorrow, the disappointment, the damage . . . all of it.

 

That’s why I do it.

 

For what it’s worth.

 

 

Lord, this is all part of your “not wasting anything”. Thank you for that. You’ve been so gracious to me. I’m desperate for you. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.   

Posted in

6 responses to “Why I Test the Sexual Writing Waters . . .”

  1. dayle Avatar
    dayle

    Food for thought:
    Since it is such an integral part of relationships, it can be inferred. Just as we can infer profanities used by the characters without specifically spelling them out.
    When a reader reads, they speak in their minds voice, so when they read f***, they say the word and it becomes an imposition to many. This is why they don’t want novels with profanity.
    I think the same can be said with sex. Christians believe in Godly sex between a husband and wife, so it can be argued that this can be written about in that context. Some, however, may feel the same imposition as mentioned earlier with a twist. Characters become real and now the reader is violating the bedroom. It becomes a virtual threesome if you’ll forgive the analogy.
    In our daily lives, while observing others, we can infer sexual tension, attraction, etc. without actually barging into the bedrooms.
    ** I’m not necessarily giving my opinions here, just some thoughts.

    Like

    Reply
  2. Nicole Avatar
    Nicole

    Dayle, perhaps I wasn’t being clear enough. I’m not talking about depicting the mechanics of sexual activity or being a voyeur. I’m referring to the psychological effects of actions and temptations. I’m talking about the differences between men and women in their attractions and reactions to those attractions. I’m talking about how these things affect individuals, tempt individuals who are trying to do things right, and about those who either choose to do things wrong or fail in their attempts to do things right in their relationships.
    All Christians learn God’s perspective, but many people don’t realize the power of sexual attraction. Some fail and are broken by it as with other sin. Some ignore it, come away wounded and find it affects them more than they anticipated. Some fail and give up and lose their perspective on sin and eventually their closeness to God. Some shoulder through their temptations in victory and find relief and reward for having done so.
    I think it all needs to be addressed because so much of it goes unspoken about in any relatable way.

    Like

    Reply
  3. dayle Avatar
    dayle

    If a Christian novel explores the ramifications of unbiblical sex, I don’t think anyone would have a problem. A writer may find resistance if the set up to the problem goes beyond inference.

    Like

    Reply
  4. Nicole Avatar
    Nicole

    Skirting issues of such importance in relationships isn’t my strong suit, Dayle. I’ve been on both sides of this problem. As we’ve discussed before, a lot of Christian women are not only ignorant of male attractions, reactions, responses, etc., they resent them without understanding them. To use a very old term, men are “cads”. “All they care about is sex.” “All they want to do is look at other women.” Well, why the heck is that? They don’t care. And men? They don’t even try to understand their tendencies. They just go with them or feel guilty for them or keep them hidden.
    “Inferring” sexual attraction does nothing for understanding it. And it’s so “high-schoolish” in most CBA novels as to be totally ineffective or ridiculous with the exceptions of the authors I named and possibly a few others.
    But, hey, I no longer care about the “resistance”. I can’t–maybe I should say: I won’t change who I am as a writer. I honestly think this is the taboo topic that needs exposure. Maybe some can find solace, realize they’re not alone in their battles and/or failures, find forgiveness or strength to continue. Bold assertions for just storytelling, but most of the time they’re not going to find comfort from the pulpit or in the pews on this subject.

    Like

    Reply
  5. dayle Avatar
    dayle

    Good points, Nicole. I agree with you. There’s a lot of issues to cover in that fertile soil. A well done exploration would go a long way for many.
    To broach one of the topics, (even though it’s a little off topic), take it from a guy. One of the biggest mistakes women make is that they confuse male lust for male passion. This leads to a lot of problems.

    Like

    Reply
  6. Nicole Avatar
    Nicole

    This can be true, Dayle. And sometimes it’s just lust, but giving men the benefit of the doubt or at least reasoning out their passion is not about to happen with some women–to their shame.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to dayle Cancel reply