Into the Fire

Once upon a time during my first year at the racetrack, I lived in a small cabin. It had a skinny bathroom with a toilet, sink, and shower, a bedroom big enough for a single bed and a dresser with a floor rug in between the narrow space, and a tiny kitchen back to back. It was one step up to the only wooden door with a glass window and, I think, a red and white curtain over it. There was one small window in the back corner of the bedroom with a raggedy old screen on the outside. The cabin was settled amidst evergreens and a vacant house a few yards away and located not too far from the track. The landlord lived in a house a ways away behind the cabin.

While I lived there, I had one of the most – if not the most – terrifying experiences of my life when someone – to this day I don't know who – tried to scare me in the middle of the night and totally succeeded. What I learned from that episode is fear can be crippling and paralyzing. I couldn't scream, I stood gripping my car keys after moving half inches at a time to get my jeans pulled on over my pajamas so as not to make even a suggestion of noise. My heartbeat was all the noise I could stand. And I learned that I could only wait so long before I had to risk exiting the cabin and running to my car. (There were no electronic locks then either, so I had to fumble with the keys to unlock the car door.) 

Well, this item isn't near as horrendous for me as that fright, but there can be the same crippling/paralyzing fear when it comes to writing. Some of you know I'm attempting to write a crime novel/police procedural. This is a huge stretch for this love story writer. It's a case of a story nagging me to the point where I could no longer resist at least laying down the first words which led to the next words which led to a few chapters . . . and so on.

I've had the true blessing of a professional aiding me in the procedural part of police work, and without him there would've been only a few words written.

So what's this got to do with fear? Right? Well, I'll tell you. I am so halted by the fear of making critical mistakes that I keep ignoring the voices urging me onward. After all, I'm over 70K words so it really is getting into book form, but, geez, each scene where I must bring the actual procedural aspects into the story stymies my nerve and brings a fearful halt to the continuation of the process. It's taking way too long to overcome and stomp into submission because of the error factor. To attempt this kind of novel and fail in the area which is critical to the story? Paralyzing.

What about you? Any fear factors affect your writing?

Father, you know I count on you. And even then I postpone and fret. Forgive me for the game playing, and please help me finish this work. Thank you, Lord. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.