Into the Fire

Why not, you know? If you read yesterday’s post, you probably lost your last meal. Doom and gloom. Have you read Terry Whalin’s lists of ways to “offend” and assure rejection in the agent/editor/publishing realm? Do you know your way around this elite corps of people in the upper echelons of the publishing world? Good for you.

In so many ways I’m still naïve. You might or might not catch the hilarity of this story. When I first attempted to get a job at the racetrack to realize my first dream (and what I didn’t know then was a “call”), I wrote a letter to the owner of our local racetrack. My first novel (Hope Of Glory) is patterned after this now defunct, then beautiful, racetrack. Somehow, I was told to go down to the field office of the Horse Breeders to talk to a particular man about employment at the track.

Well, this city girl only knew one way to “apply” for a job, and that was to get all dressed up and go for it which I did. I’m sure the gentleman had to stifle his laughter when he saw me, spoke with me, made a call, and sent me down to the track to speak with a trainer’s daughter who ran her father’s barn. I got out of my car in my mini-dress and high heels with my octagonal two-tone wire-rimmed sunglasses and walked into that shedrow to speak with her. We later laughed about the gallop boy standing behind me making all kinds of facial gyrations to convince her to tell me they had no need or use for me. Who could blame him?

To her credit she saw something in me he did not, and she told me to come back early in the morning a week from that day which I did. In Levis, a flannel shirt, and work boots ready to dive into the horse business and learn every possible thing I could. Dream come true. I loved it. And she wasn’t sorry she hired me, even as “green” as I was. I gave it my all. We became friends for many years, though she was younger, an alcoholic at a very early age—a condition which eventually killed her. She became a Christian years later after my husband and I gave her the reason for our complete lifestyle change, but her walk was troubled and difficult because of her addiction.

Back to naiveté, I had no idea how difficult the publishing business could be, but neither did I think Christian publishing could seem so lacking and in some cases void of Christianity. This is called professional suicide time—correction: non-professional, hopeful-career massacre. Some of the people involved exhibit a sincere and devoted love for Jesus Christ and strive to serve Him in their endeavors in this demanding field. Others seem no different than any other worldly business person but use the churchy lingo when it seems appropriate. If this is an insult to the “business” of Christian agent-ing, editor-ing, and/or publishing, then I guess it is what it is.

This has nothing to do with my personal abilities. This has to do with being a Christian first, and everything else second. Living for Christ is not easy. Anyone who walks their talk knows this. We are fallible and miserable at times—especially when we fail to do what we know is right before our Lord. When we wear a large target that proclaims we are dedicated to doing what God Almighty has called us to do, we will be aimed at, and we will get hit, and it will hurt. But if we get aimed at, hit, and hurt, it better be because we are serving Jesus Christ and not ourselves. I’m not slinging mud here because I remain unpublished. That very possibly could be God’s plan for me. I’m shooting at a bulls-eye that no one inside the industry can artfully sight. Some things don’t feel right, discernment tells me there are some misalignments in priorities and perhaps no one wants them to be addressed or changed or rattled because they’ve become “comfortable” with and/or used to the problems. Whatever the specifics are, they’re spiritual. They won’t be fixed without a rededication to the things and practices of real Jesus Christ Christianity. It happens to all of us at some point. We have to realign ourselves with our Lord and follow Him. It’s called obedience. It’s at the crux of the call.

So, if I can’t find anyone who wants to passionately love Jesus Christ and serve Him above all others and who happens to like my work enough to represent me and seek out those who are likeminded, then so be it. There’s just no other way.

Father, you know my heart. You know I don’t hurt people for the sake of being hurtful. You know. Lord, I pray for anyone who might read this and feel a pang of conviction. I pray that you would usher them into the throne room to talk with you and help them to hear your heart. I pray that I would grow closer to you and leave aside the things of this world in order to be ever more obedient to you. I don’t have the answers for anyone else except for them to draw nearer to you, to seek you with their whole hearts. That is the solution for all of us. Please help me to do just that. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.