Into the Fire

Since I seem to be writing to myself here on this new blog, I decided to write down some personal reflections.

I don’t know the balance between being confident in my work and being terrified that it’s not good enough to meet any standard anywhere. In my heart I am confident that I’m writing the stories God has given to me with the talent and means of storytelling particular to what He has made “my style”. Is it the best I can do? I don’t know. For now, it is.

However, rejections cut to the heart. At least they do for me. Over-sensitive, thin-skinned, easily hurt: yup, that’s me. So, yes, I’ve been reluctantly toughened up a bit, but also roughed up a bit, am the better person for it all. Have learned where I can truly give in and where I can’t. So far.

I know I’m stubborn/determined. Let’s not play cute with the Christianese: I’m both. I want to be submissive to the Holy Spirit above all, and I resist being submissive to the “traditions of men” both in the church and out of it. God is above all I can say about Him–so much grander, bigger, better, more beautiful, adverb, adjective, superfluous to the max. Because of that, how is it that we think we have Him all figured out sometimes when it comes to anything we do? Yes, He is specific with us often. Answers prayer with overwhelming yes-es and emphatic no-s. Gives us dreams, visions, profound words, acute instructions, and even wisdom when we ask and agree not to doubt that He’s dispensing it to us. But since we “walk by faith and not by sight”, we have to get our feet wet once in awhile before we can know if the water’s hot or cold. He requires it of us. I’ll be honest here: I don’t know where I’m going with all this . . . writing. I know beyond a doubt I’m to write the novels I’m writing and have written. No doubt. I know this is a “call”. No doubt. But where these stories are going from here in our dining room which is where this computer is located, I am walking by faith and not by sight. And that’s a good thing.

Early next week, I’ll be putting up a few questions and answers from the professionals about editing. Hope you’ll join me to read their replies.

Father, here am I. Please help me to be the one you want me to be. Direct my words whether spoken or written and help me to bless others with both. I need you, Lord, and I desire to do what you would have me do. Help me to know and obey. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.