Into the Fire

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Pensive . . .

I have learned that oftentimes lows follow highs. I have also learned not to let them hang around if at all possible. Although they can be “real” in that they can be produced by real sorrows, traumas, frustrations, etc., many of mine are not “real-ly” justified, and that’s why I can get over them.

Here are some of them. Do you ever wonder if you’re ever gonna get it right? If you’re ever going to do the right thing, no matter how hard it is? Do you ever try to skirt around the edge of something because it’s unpleasant or potentially humiliating? Do you ever argue with the Lord?! How dumb is that? Do you ever do the obedient thing and then feel ridiculous for having done it? Do you ever succumb to the condemnation the enemy is screaming in your ears with such incredible logic you can’t see past it?

Well, I do, did, have done. Ain’t fun either. But I have learned to don the spiritual armor and fight the spiritual battle because the Lord has put that survival instinct in this woman through His Holy Spirit, and though there are many, many tears to fall, we can even find solace in the fact that the Lord keeps them all. That is a beautiful picture. The jars of tears, cried in a fallen world by those injured and deeply wounded by the calamities of life. He keeps them. I suspect one day He will show them to us and remind us that he wept with us, felt our pain, our embarrassment, our degradation, our emptiness.

And because of Him, abounding in love and full of compassion, we can press on and continue to do what He desires of us. And because He gave us this day, we will be glad and rejoice in it. Even when the doubts come, the tears fall like heavy waters, and nothing seems worth the effort it takes. I will rejoice.

Father, to all those who are experiencing those moments, hours, days of darkness, I pray they would turn to you, face you in their shadowed place with all their shattered hopes or dreams, and come forth to the throne of grace in boldness covered by the Blood of the Lamb, eager for your comfort and consolation. Help us all to listen to your Spirit because you speak the Truth. Instruct us all on how to defeat the simulated roaring of the lying lion and remind him of his destination. Thank you for giving us all the tools of the trade, Lord. Thank you, Jesus, for being the friend that sticks closer than a brother. We honor you and await your divine assistance as we walk in those steps ordained for each of us. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

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2 responses to “Pensive . . .”

  1. Heather Goodman Avatar
    Heather Goodman

    The past year or so, I’ve started struggling with anxiety. Real anxiety. Worrying about my parents health. Worrying about my husband when he flies, when he drives. Sometimes the what if scenarios bring me to tears. Sunday, I heard a sermon about giving ourselves to the Lord not knowing what He will do with this year. We looked at Job, Mary, and well, look at that, I forgot the third person. The sermon challenged me to pray, truly pray, “I am your servant, Lord. May it be with me as you say.” I have this superstition that if I let go of my fears, God will make them all come true, but if I hold on to them, God will protect me. Ridiculous, I know. Goes against everything I believe. So that’s my fight. And this is the first time I have verbalized it outside of my husband. I’m not sure I want to post this.

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  2. Nicole Avatar
    Nicole

    Brave post, Heather. Thank you for your courage. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with a “pretty significant heart murmur” and had to see a cardiologist who recommended surgery because “nowadays they like to get these things taken care of”. Well, maybe “they” do, but I didn’t. At least not yet. However, after those appointments I had my first two very real panic attacks which quite frankly are laughable today because of their locations. Fear began to permeate who I was, what I thought, and how I viewed nearly everything.
    One day I just had to stop and say I can’t live like this. I cannot let the enemy control my thoughts and actions. As you said, Heather, it is the opposite of everything I believe.
    The only real value I see in these experiences is it forces us to confront the enemy of our souls versus the Savior of our souls. It re-establishes who we put our faith in. It is, after all is said and done, our choice.
    Do the spiritual battle required to defeat the spirit of fear. Yes, you will have concerns with all the situations you described, but you will cover them in prayer, you will realize that the fear of death is conducive to extracting your faith piece by piece from the living God who is able to do more than you can ask or imagine. Yes, there are a lot of things we have to come to terms with that are difficult, sad, and fearful, but if our faith gets stronger by having to go to the Lord to help us deal with them, then it’s better than accepting the fear from the devil who hopes we will follow him all the way to our demise in bona fide anxiety. Never forget: fear is not of God.

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